Affliction of a femme du monde ...

" When the sky appears in pain and sunset no more than a wound, what are the thoughts that occur to a libertine soul like yours ? ... "
Charles Beaudelaire...


A lethal cocktail of anguish, revulsion, unease ... and sin took hold of me, tourmenting my mind , twisting my thoughts, distorting my grip of life and throwing me into an abyss of internal damnation. I was feeling chaos ... till my stomach seized with convulsions had me kneeling and a searing pain bursting out a flood of tears.

" Are you okay, honey ? " : asked a concerned voiced

" Yeah, I'm fine, got to go .... " : I answered back.

" But you don't look well, you can't... "

" NO, I have to go " : I insisted.

I needed to get out and get some fresh air ! I drove off acting on a strong impulse to flee as far as possible from this place wishing for tomorrow to come and draw the curtain on this nightmare. Only then I'll be anew and wholesome again.

The irony of it all is that it's NOT the first time ! Like a repeat offender, I am constantly drawn in spite of me to that fleeting moment of intense pleasure that shakes the very root of my body and soul before darkness overwhelms me ...